he was such a kind and funny man

my brother chose his exit route

The vibrating phone woke me this morning. As soon I saw it was my sister, I knew it must be bad news.

“It’s Geoff,” she said.

Our brother, so sad and lonely, suffering the consequences of poor choices, had chosen his own exit route.

We both sobbed aloud.

……

Later, my daughter wrote “He was such a kind and funny man, I wish I knew him better.” That simple sentence was such a gift to me, because it reframed my thoughts of my elder brother on this very difficult day.

He certainly was kind and funny. But until that moment, I was thinking of him in terms of his uncomfortable parts. Of the ways we didn’t relate. It was a blessing to remember his kindness and funniness, and the ways we bonded. He was my brother. We shared memories. We shared DNA.

He chose to end a life that no longer held joy for him. While being immensely saddened, I respect that choice. I haven’t walked in his shoes, so I pass no judgement. I am just bereft.

Geoff #charlies80th

Rest in peace, Geoff. Rest in peace. You are already missed, so so much.

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11 Comments

  1. I am so SO sorry for you and Nettie and your families. I think a lot of us have Geoffs in our lives – hard to live with, but so missed when they are no longer there.

    Thinking of you all.

    Reply
  2. how sad for you. When a relative like a brother dies it often takes you back to childhood and the person you knew then- which may be very different to the more recent “version” of the person. You share a lot of memories.

    Reply
  3. My sincere condolences to you and your family :(

    Reply
  4. mook

     /  December 4, 2012

    so sorry. loss is hard. love you.

    Reply
  5. Hashi, I am so sorry to hear your news. My heart goes out to you and your family. Hugs.

    Reply
  6. A Connoisseur of Life

     /  December 4, 2012

    I’m sorry for your loss. its definitely tough. hang in there. my sincerest condolences to you and your family.

    Reply
  7. I am so sad for you and your whole families loss
    Sending a BIG HUG
    Eunice

    Reply
  8. romina

     /  December 5, 2012

    i’m terribly saddened by the loss of your brother. he is no longer in pain…sending you and your family lots of love, peace and light. xoxo

    Reply
  9. Wendee

     /  December 6, 2012

    When I saw the title of the photo posted, I had hoped that it wasn’t what I feared it might mean… But, it did. I’m so sorry for your loss, Hashi. Sending love and caring thoughts for the long trip ahead and for your family. xox

    Reply
  10. So sad for you and your family, and so much respect.

    Reply

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