I awoke too early, and felt a bit sick about the task at hand: going back to the conjugal home, for the final vetting of my stuff.
Turned out it was cathartic. Yes, it was uncomfortable. Yes, I got a bit teary. But it was necessary, and I’m glad it’s done.
I scratched Buffy’s chin, discussed the final financial separations, loaded my car with books and my mum’s chinese checkers set, and said ‘so long’.
Then I went for a hike. :::: happy sigh :::::
With every step, I felt better.
I love living in Topanga. I am where I am meant to be right now.
I have no doubt at all about that, because it. feels. so. right.
So after the hike, I showered, then napped.
I never do that. But I did. Because I can. And it feels good.
And … I don’t need a reason.
THEN .. I had cocktails and dinner with some dear girlfriends.
THEN … I FaceTimed (thank you Steve Jobs) with my very handsome grandson Jai on his birthday, for a bit.
It was a euphorically wonderful day, celebrating new chapters and fresh air and friendships and family and possibilities. Celebrating love, not fear.
When I think that less than six months ago, on December 31 2011, I seriously contemplated suicide … I am so, so, SO glad that I changed my mind.
I beg you, if you are depressed, hold onto this thought: it gets better. It does.
I am living proof.
It gets better.
Life is good. Believe me.