penultimate

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It’s my second-last night in the treehouse, for about 6 weeks. J leaves for Atlanta on Thursday, and I’ll be sleeping most nights in the former conjugal home till he returns mid-April. I’ll take every opportunity to spend an hour (or more) here; it’s only a 15 min drive and it’s on the way to and from work. But I need to admit the fact that I’ve committed to being elsewhere, pretty much full time, for the next while.

It’s been made worse by the fact that L had yet another major fight with her mother last Friday night, so even the every-other-weekend-with-mom plan is blown.

J asked me to come over tonight, to go over the last details (here are the Disneyland tickets, there are the tax papers, put these dr appointments in your calendar), and because he just wanted to see me before he goes. He hugged me tight and told me he loves me. He said over and over how grateful he is for my kindness and generosity. I looked at him and thought: you will never have another wife like me. Knowing he and the chicky-babe are “in love, and everything is great” leaves me wondering why I am doing this.

But I know the answer.

I don’t stop loving just because someone else does. Not that I want him back. I’m past that, and I deserve so much better. But neither can I muster any hate. A friend asks for my help, I’m there.

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6 Comments

  1. mookie

     /  February 29, 2012

    yes, Josh will never have another wife like you. we need to talk. what weekend are you coming up? we have some lovely wine. you and Em can talk fabric. we can cook together.
    just writing this fills me with longing.
    you are loved and missed

    Reply
  2. I gotta ask, why isn’t Chicky babe picking up the slack?

    Reply
  3. romina

     /  February 29, 2012

    ahhh amiga…the fact that you have been able to muster more love, generosity and light throughout this enire process is astonishing. i admire you. but after this…it’s done. J used his last coupon…you can be there for L without always being there for J. i miss you and hope to see you soon. besos xoxo

    Reply
  1. healing « such wild love

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