in a week i’ll be here

Kangaroo by hashimaree

Another Aus trip was planned months ago, to celebrate Dad’s 80th on Jan 20 (I know! I was only there in August!). Suddenly, it’s nearly upon me, and the timing couldn’t be better.

My big decision now is whether to stay in the United States, or move back Down Under.  So I am really glad that there’s a scheduled trip that might help my intuition in this regard.

There’s fear involved, either way. I’m fighting it, but it’s there.

Fear if I leave: that I won’t find a good job, that I’ll be broke and sponging off my family, that I’ll be living in a climate I don’t enjoy, that I’ll be paying tax in two countries, that I will never see my step-kids again.

Fear if I stay: that it will take me much longer to emotionally separate from J, that I will be lonely, that I will be re-inventing my life in a vacuum, that I won’t like where I move.

Breathing deep. Trying to put the fears aside. Trying to listen.

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5 Comments

  1. Penny

     /  January 7, 2012

    Glad you will be home for a while, shame you havent more time to think. Not the best time of the year to be here either, I suppose it is a toss up between the step children who may need you more now than ever, or readier access to your grandchild. I am sure you would find work any where Hashi, we are a wide country, dont just look in one State.
    Whatever the decision, I am sure you will make it work.

    Reply
  2. You’ll be able to find work, Hashi, and people who love or will love you, wherever you go. If you are maybe leaving, we must get together to enjoy each other, in person. And if you are maybe staying and worried about being lonely, we must get together to enjoy each other, as well. You will find your way, whichever location your heart chooses.

    Reply
  3. Cris

     /  January 8, 2012

    Been in this place of doubt several times.In fact, moved from one country to another a few times.The big difference is that I hate my home country so that makes the decision much easier.

    Cris

    Reply
  4. Lola

     /  January 9, 2012

    We love you, wherever you are Hashi.

    Reply
  5. redhedphotogirl

     /  January 9, 2012

    Wherever you land, you’ll be in the right place. XO

    Reply

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