The main lesson I gleaned from 2011 is that I can change my feelings by changing my thoughts. Through the original breakup, through learning about J’s chickie-babe after the fact, through all those nights alone and the many days when my stomach would suddenly knot and tears spring to my eyes, I had plenty of opportunities to practice.
Four days ago, my last post on my other blog came from a place of victimization. How dare he? He begged me to come back! I gave up my lovely home to return! He wanted the rings and the ceremony! He wrote me that poem! And now, just a week later, he says he still loves the chickie-babe and I have to leave again? WTF? I just wanna die :-(
Like most of us, I can torture myself, and get an ulcer, by thinking certain things. On the flip side, I can also find peace by viewing the same situation differently. Neither attitude is any ‘truer’ than the other. But one is much kinder on myself and everyone in my world.
So for my own mental health, I’ve been trying on these ideas instead: I don’t want to be with someone who has conflict about being with me, so I am glad he has released me sooner rather than later. I am so lucky to have friends and family and resources and skills. I can now go anywhere, do anything I want! This is pretty exciting, really!
I know it sounds really Pollyanna-ish. I know it’s easier said than done. But a year’s practice sure helps.
So today I’m going with the peaceful option. I hope you do too. It feels good.